How to Help Your High School Friend who is Struggling

This year, senior and junior year is different than ever before, and the mental toll has many people struggling. If you see a friend who is having a hard time, whether academically or emotionally, it’s important to offer them support and encouragement. If you’re a high schooler, this can be overwhelming because you are also dealing with your grades, college admissions, and whatever restrictions are in place in your home state. So, how do you help someone who is struggling? 

1. Offer vulnerability. If your friend opens up to you about a struggle, whether loneliness or stress related to COVID or other personal issues, make sure they are a safe place to confide in and be vulnerable in return. What does it mean to be a safe friend? It means you keep confidences (unless you need to tell an adult, see below), you don’t gossip, you don’t embarrass or humiliate them by sharing about their struggles publicly, etc. But opening up about struggles you are going through can make them feel more open about how they’re feeling and what they’re going through. 
2. When you need to, take care of yourself: Bearing the burden of a struggling friend can be emotionally draining on you. Be sure to fill up your own “tank” with self-care like reading, exercise, or taking time for yourself so that you can maintain your own healthy boundaries. If you are overly exhausted and can’t take care of your own health (mental and physical), it becomes really hard to take care of the other people in your life. 
3. Think of tangible ways to help: When people are struggling, they have a hard time naming what they might need. Offering practical, tangible ways to help can help them mentally latch on to what they may need and not know how to ask for. Ask pointed questions with specific items, like “Can I bring you some dinner or a coffee tomorrow? What time works best for you?”, or “I am available to talk to you if you need a friend! Can we meet for coffee tomorrow at 2?” These are easier to answer than “What do you need”? They may not know what they need, or how to ask for it. 
4. Check on your people: If a friend has gone dark or “ghosted” you, they may not be ending the friendship. Keep checking on them kindly, and making sure they are okay. Many people with depression and anxiety don’t feel up to answering calls or texts, so don’t take it personally if they express some trouble with responding to messages. They might be overwhelming. A simple text that says, “I’m just checking on you, and if you feel up to responding, I am here for you” can mean a lot to someone who feels lonely or anxious. 
5. Be aware of red flags: If someone expresses their desire to harm themselves, or they begin expressing suicidal ideations, it’s very important to let an adult know. School counselors, teachers, and parents are wise sources if you know of a friend who may be feeling suicidal. This is the instance when it would be okay to break a friend’s confidence, because it just may save their life.

Remember that your presence in someone’s life means more than you know. The best gift you can offer a friend who is struggling is a listening ear and a kind heart. Times are stressful, and many people are having a harder time than normal, so it’s more important than ever to be kind!